


Somebody's Got To Be Unafraid to Lead The Freak Parade

by Theevilyoung (orphan_account)



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Dallon is the school hero, M/M, Pete laughs at Dallon for getting himself into this mess, Ryan and Brendon are freaks, and their crazy antics, nobody likes them, poor dallon has to put up with them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-04-16 17:11:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4633467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Theevilyoung
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the tumblr prompt by user wentziswhak: Ryan and brendon are the schools two biggest losers. Both of them bump into dallon and tell him some freaky stuff (ie our skin just had sex) and they always bother other people, but they’ve never met because it’s a big school. After the incidents with both of them, dallon realizes that he should set Ryan and Brendon up together and they can be freaky together and won’t bother anyone else. So he introduces Ryan and Brendon, who become Instant best friends. They eventually get together and do the “skin sex” or whatever and they’re a really cute couple but in a weird way and the school kind of ships them? Just a tiny bit. So essentially Dallon is the hero of the school because now that they’re together they don’t bother anyone. But the downside to setting the two biggest losers in the school (probably the whole town tbh) up together is that they are eternally thankful to you and they think they owe you their first born or something, or even worse: they think that you’re their friend. Unfortunately, Dallon doesn’t have the heart to tell the two to fuck off because he hates them, so now he’s stuck with their antics making him the true hero of the school. Poor Dallon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I love this prompt. So much.  
> (Title from the song "The Freak Parade" by Big & Rich)

Dallon was walking through the hallway, trying to get to his next class when he bumped into someone and was suddenly knocked over.

He starts apologizing to the unknown person, “I really should have watched where I was going oh god im sorry” as he gathers his stuff and looks up to meet the dumbfounded stare of a boy with dark brown hair and matching eyes. Oh no. Oh _god_ no. He is looking straight into the eyes of Ryan Ross. _The_ Ryan Ross. He’d only heard tales of his classmates’ unfortunate encounters with him. His eyes widened in horror as he waited for the inevitable.

Ryan’s shocked stare turned into a wicked grin as he leaned in closer to Dallon (oh god oh god no. He had never heard anyone talk about ryan doing _this._ He felt his heart race until Ryan stopped, only inches from his face to whisper,

“Our skin just had sex.”

Dallon was unamused. He couldn’t believe that he freaked out over nothing. On the bright side, Ryan didn’t do anything too weird to him, but he was still scarred for life.

“Yeah sorry, no.” Dallon replied.

Ryan looked offended.

“Excuse you but you cannot just take my skin sex virginity and deny that you did! I expect you to take full responsibility for our skin babies.”

If Dallon could be any more unamused, then he would have died of the lack of amusement at this moment.

“First of all, we are both cis males. Neither of us can get pregnant, even if we wanted to, and definitely NOT from ‘skin sex’, or whatever the fuck you call it. Also, about the skin sex, that’s not even a thing?”

The bell interrupted Dallon’s mini rant.

“And now I’m gonna be late to class because of you, so thanks a lot, asshole.” Dallon finished gathering his stuff off of the floor and headed to his next class, English. He couldn’t wait to tell Pete all about the crazy incident he just experienced. Ryan just stared after Dallon.

“Wow he’s so cool.” Ryan whispered to himself before heading to his own next class.

 

* * *

 

 

Dallon arrives to his English class a full two minutes late. His teacher glares at him, hands him a detention slip, and motions for Dallon to go to his desk before starting his lecture on _Julius Caesar_. Dallon slides into his seat next to Pete, and takes out his notebook. Pete slides over a note that says “ _dude youre never late where tf were you”_ Dallon sighs and writes out his reply _“Guess who just had a run in with the infamous Ryan Ross?”_  He hands his reply to Pete, who gasps.

“No way.” He mouths to Dallon, who nods at Pete.

“ _omg what happened? You ok?”_ Pete writes on the sticky note, and passes it back to Dallon.

“ _ill tell u @ lunch”_ he quickly scrawls, noticing their teacher looking over at them with a suspicious glare on his face.  When their teacher finally takes his eyes off of the pair, Dallon inconspicuously passes the stickynote back to Pete and continues taking notes over the wonderful Shakespearean play awaiting the lunch bell so that he could tell Pete all about his own Ryan Ross horror story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for more funtime, follow my tumblr sinfinityonhigh


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's finally continuing this story?

As soon as the lunch bell rang, Dallon shot out of his seat, eager to get out of the hell that was his English class. Looking over, he saw Pete had fallen asleep next to him. He sighed, of course Pete would fall asleep now. The fact that their teacher never noticed (and if he did, he clearly didn’t care) Pete sleeping showed just how great their education system actually was. Dallon leaned over and whispered,

“Patrick Stump wants to have your babies.” 

Pete quickly sat up and shrieked, “I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME! DESTINY ALWAYS FINDS A WAY!” He looked around the room, met with no Patrick, but only the judgmental stares of the few students left in the classroom, as well as their teacher. Dallon smirked. 

“I knew that’d wake you up.”

Pete glared at him,

“I hate you so much right now.”

Dallon shrugged, and started to leave the classroom, a signal for Pete to follow him. Pete sulked after him, embarrassed by the incident.

* * *

 

When the pair reached the lunchroom, Pete suddenly seemed to regain his composure and grinned.

“Spill. I want to know all of the details with Ross.”

Dallon groaned. He really did not want to remember the run in with Ryan. In all honesty, he had hoped Pete would forget that he ever said anything and leave it alone. He sighed.

“Well?” Pete batted his eyelashes at Dallon, getting impatient with all the stalling. He had to know _all_ the juicy deets.

Dallon realized that his stalling was ineffective and began to explain the situation to a very eager Pete.

“...And then he insisted that I take custody of our skin children. THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE, PETE. _THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE!”_

Dallon huffed as he finished his story, angry at the oddity of the situation, and the fact that it just _had_ to happen to him. Meanwhile, Pete was losing it. 

“Holy hell. That is by far the best Ryan story I have ever heard!” He exclaimed between laughs.

From across the lunchroom at the teachers’ table sat an unamused Patrick Stump, judging Pete. He turned back to his coworkers and sighed. That boy sure was weird.

* * *

 

Soon enough, the bell rang, and the students rose, heading to their next class. Unfortunately for Dallon this meant the ultimate hell. His least favorite class, the bane of his existence, the one shared class he had with Brendon Urie, the other freak of the school. AP US History. He shuddered even thinking about it. 

Pete had already ran the other direction, abandoning Dallon for his favorite class, Music Theory. He only even liked the class because he had a crush on the band director/theory teacher Mr. Stump, despite it being completely unattainable. Honestly Dallon felt sorry for the young band director. He had to deal with Pete’s lovesick antics. Poor guy.

Dallon reached the History room, walked to his assigned seat, and slumped down in his chair next to an ecstatic Brendon Urie. God damn it. He really hoped that kid was absent. He was already having a bad day, did he _really_ have to deal with this class? Couldn’t he just skip to the part of the day where he got to go home?

The teacher strode in, notes in hand, ready to teach the class about her favorite topic of the year (which she never ceased to remind them about since they started the unit), the American

Revolution. What a stereotypical topic. 

The last few students trickled into the classroom just as the tardy bell rang. Their teacher smiled almost as wide as Brendon was as she began to speak. 

“So as you know, we’ve been leading up to my favorite topic, and I’ve decided that to make this just as fun for you as it is for me, we’ll be doing a project over the causes of The Revolution! Each of you will be assigned a topic, and will have to research it and how it affected the tensions between the colonies and Great Britain. Isn’t that fun?” 

All of the class groaned except for Brendon, who was excited for the project.

“Now, now, don’t be like that. It will be a group project, so you have some help in finding information over your topic. Plus, since we’re still not all that familiar with each other, this will also be a wonderful opportunity for you to get to know your classmates! Now, since this is a new get to know you activity, I’ll be choosing your partners based on our new seating. The project is due one month from today. I’m looking forward to your amazing presentations!” 

Dallon slumped even further in his seat. He was on the edge of the classroom. The only person next to him was Brendon. Just his luck. This was officially the worst day of the year. Brendon turned to him and smiled exuberantly.

“Oh my god, this is so cool! I’m so excited to work with you! I wonder which topic we’ll get. I hope it’s something cool, like the Boston Tea Party. Of course, that’s so easy it’ll be hard, so maybe we’ll get one that’s a little less obvious. Oh man, I’m so excited!” 

At least it was an in class project. He did not want to have to interact with Urie outside of class.

“Oh. I forgot to mention! So that the project takes less time, there are deadlines for each part of this project, and you are required to work both in and outside of class. So don’t forget to exchange numbers with your partner!” The teacher interjected

Brendon’s grin got wider. Dallon’s frown grew stronger. Of. fucking. course. Just his luck. 

“Oh man this is gonna be great! I can’t wait to start this project! I know we’re gonna be great friends!” 

Brendon took out his phone, and gave it to Dallon

“Here, add your number. I’ll text you ASAP so that we can start. Ooh boy I’m so excited!” 

Dallon grudgingly added his contact info, and faked a smile at Brendon to be polite, just as the teacher came by.

“I’m glad you boys seem to be getting along already! By the way, your topic is the Seven Years War.”

Brendon fist pumped. “Sweet!”

Dallon turned to him and faked an amused laugh. This was going to be one hell of a project.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am 100% sure this is not how APUSH works, but assume there is more time in the year, and assume this is for plot purposes (it is). 
> 
> also, for more funtimes, follow my tumblr sinfinityonhigh.


	3. Chapter 3

After a long day of hell school, Dallon reached his house. He flopped on the bed, exhausted. What a Monday. Brendon still hadn’t texted him though, which was a plus. Suddenly his phone dinged. Oh god no. If it was brendon he would actually punch somebody. Stupid speak of the devil rule and all that. 

**1 new message from: Scumbag (Pete)**

Thank god. He slid to unlock his phone.

**Scumbag _4:00 PM_**

_you’ll never guess what happened 2 me 2day_

**_To Scumbag 4:00 PM_ **

_what_

**Scumbag- 4:02 PM**

_so i was just mindin my own business chilling in music theory, and then patty cakes, the love of my life, walks by and im like omg he's so glorious i wanna pound that ass. and i guess i didn't realize i said it out loud bc next thing i know i have detention for the next week and gabe is laughing his ass off oops_

**_To Scumbag- 4:03 PM_ **

_Holy shit. dude. wtf. i cant believe u rn pls reconsider your life_

**Scumbag- 4:03 PM**

_hey. in my defense, i didn't realize i was doing it okay? if u were in love u would to dont even lie_

**_To Scumbag 4:04 PM_ **

_…youre hopeless_

**Scumbag- 4:08 PM**

_fuck u man. anyways how was APUSH?_

**_To Scumbag- 4:09 PM_ **

_Literally the worst. I'm working with brendon urie. brendon. urie. I hate everything right now. What did i do to deserve this?_

**Scumbag 4:09 PM**

i _dk man but u just have the worst luck lol. Guess who im working with tho (hint: andy hurley)_

**_To: Scumbag- 4:10 PM_ **

_I hate you so much right now._

_goodbye asshole._

Dallon threw his phone down, only for it to beep again. He groaned and picked it up

**Unknown Number 4:13 PM**

_hey this is brendon im just texting you to give you my number for the project thing? kk bye_

Dallon quickly types out a reply and adds Brendon to his contacts.

**_To Brendon Urie 4:15 PM_ **

_cool i got ur text. Let me know when u got ideas for the projects_

**Brendon Urie 4:15 PM**

_will do senpai~! <3 _

Dallon gagged. What the hell was a senpai? And did he really have to use the heart emoji? Dallon threw his phone down, hopefully for the last time, and closed his eyes for a well needed nap. 

**Brendon Urie- 4:20 PM**

_BLAZE IT!_

**Brendon Urie 4:21 PM**

_…I’m sorry i just… that’s what u do when its 4:20 right? like what does blaze it even mean? isn't that a thing u do when u have friends right?_

**_To Brendon Urie- 4:25 PM_ **

_…not really… um…. ?????_

Now Dallon felt bad for the kid. Maybe he just didn’t know how to interact with people. Poor guy. Wait actually scratch that this is Brendon Urie we’re talking about here he clearly knows what he’s doing. He might actually be worse than Ryan Ross. Wait a minute. Dallon had an epiphany.

Ryan Ross.

Brendon Urie. 

Maybe he could fix his situation after all..

The two freaks of the school. Get them together…. and maybe they’ll be freaky on their own. Dalton could talk to Brendon, get him to know Ryan, and then they’ll have a friend in each other. Dalton could get the grade, and not be bothered by either of them! It was the perfect plan. But first…

**_To Brendon Urie 4:31 PM_ **

_Actually…. maybe i can help you while we’re working on this project… It seems like your kinda lonely and i know someone who you might be good friends with potentially. It’s a big school, so im not sure if you know him or not…_

**Brendon Urie 4:31 PM** (seriously is this kid always on his phone?)

_Really?! You'd do that? for me *glomps u* ILY DALLON SENPAI!~_

_who?_

Dallon had to resist the urge to gag again. What a weird kid.

**_To Brendon Urie 4:33 PM_ **

_Ryan Ross. you know him?_

**Brendon Urie 4:33 PM**

_no. tell me more._

Fuck. Dallon realized he didn’t actually know much about Ryan at all. He’d have to wing it.

**_To Brendon Urie 4:37 PM_ **

_well… he’s a pretty nice guy. He seems…. pretty. odd(? is that the right word) at first but hes kinda cool in a way. Idk man i just figured ur personalities would match up nicely. You’ll have to meet him to find out. I can introduce you if you want?_

**_Brendon Urie 4:38 PM_ **

_That would be totes sugoi desu ne!!!~ Dallon Senpai you’re the best!_

**_To Brendon Urie 4:38 PM_ **

_what_

**_Brendon Urie 4:39 PM_ **

_good? seriously dallon get with the program. But i mean i can’t blame u. You don’t seem like the type to know about Japan’s superior culture._

**_Brendon Urie 4:40 PM_ **

_Anyways, i should go start on my hw (and so should u i cant have a friend whos grades are down bc of me). I’ll talk to you and let you know when we can start our project._

_Later Dilly Dally! ( ˘ ³˘)~ <3_

Dallon couldn’t believe it actually worked. He had to figure out a way to talk to Ross tomorrow before lunch so he could get him and Urie together… which meant he would also have to skip his only free time of the day. Fuck. He pulled the covers over his bed and hoped tomorrow would go to plan for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for making brendon a weeaboo. It pains me to do this to him but it had to be done. Besides, what's a high school with no weebs? Also this chapter took hella long to format rip.
> 
> (Btw you should totes check out my tumblr sinfinityonhigh)

**Author's Note:**

> for more zummertime fun and memes, follow my tumblr sinfinityonhigh


End file.
